It may be hard but it’s worth it!

I just want to start by thanking each and every one of you that sent me messages or comments on my last blog. All the encouragement and prayers has helped and means so much! I am super grateful for all of y’all!

I was talking to my teammate one day and she was saying how she did not expect the race to be like this. I was like yeah girl, it’s nothing like I thought it would be. I didn’t know I had so many personal things to work through, I didn’t know living with people 24/7 and having to talk about my feelings would be this hard. I didn’t know the enemy was going to attack me SO much. I didn’t know it was going to be mentally and spiritually exhausting. I thought I was coming to travel and help people, not work on myself, but God had other plans for me!

The first 5 months I did not feel like myself at all. I wanted to go home every week, I was waiting for something to happen so I could go home, but something kept me here. God kept showing me past hurts that I needed to work through and give to Him and every month it was something new. I was like, God let me go home. You can show me this stuff at home and I can work through it in my own room.  But I knew that wasn’t true, I knew if I went home I would just start working and make myself busy and not seek God.

So I’m still here, month 6.    

And I’m SO glad I’m still here. It may be hard and I may cry every day but I’m growing more than I ever thought I would. I’m glad God is showing me all of these things I need to work through, I would not have wanted to take all this mess into marriage. 

This last month I feel like something has changed. I feel like I’m out of the darkness and coming into the light. I feel like a lot of my prayers are being answered. I feel like I’m finding myself and who I am, knowing my identity in God.  Finally seeing how much Jesus loves me.  You know how you grow up hearing “Jesus loves you?” like yeah I know. Well, one day I had a real conversation with Jack “my Fiancé“ and I was just asking and talking about things that I think about. Well, I have always kinda struggled with knowing how much Jesus loves me and I guess I never really believed it. I was like yeah Jesus loves me when I do things for Him, like doing stuff for other people or working or idk just works,   and Jack said no he loves you all the time, I said, even if I lay in my bed all day? ;). And he said Yes, All the time, Jesus loves you All the time. So I was thinking about that a lot and one day my team was having a Bible study and they were talking about different things and I had a revelation of how when I was growing up I just always thought people loved me because I did something for them or because they had to. So I based Jesus’s love for me off of that! But no, Jesus’s love for me is Nothing like that! (He loves me unconditionally and so much more than my friends and family.) He actually Loves me SO much and wants a relationship with me. It doesn’t matter how much I work or don’t work Jesus still loves me!

So I’ve definitely just been learning and seeing how much He loves me.

Like He just wants me to talk to Him and be friends with Him. 
So it’s just been really cool to see God working and answering my prayers!

It just makes me want to keep seeking Him more!

Anyways, it’s still a daily battle and I am still going through a lot and still thinking about going home each week but it has gotten a lot better. I can go a week without crying which is doing pretty good for me;). God just keeps showing me that He has more for me on this trip and I don’t know what all He’s got for me but I’m just taking it one day at a time!

The ministry part was very slow for our 6 weeks in Albania, especially with the holidays and my team getting sick and then having to quarantine and stuff but we did get to help with some kids ministry and help churches sign kids up for sponsorships. I have personally never sponsored a child because I thought people just did it to brag but getting to see the mom’s faces, knowing their kids are going to be taken care of and getting to play with the kids, and seeing their living situation made me want to sponsor all of them!                                                                                                          This sponsorship gives groceries for the whole family, gets them plugged in with a local church, helps them go to school, and gives them a health advocate. 

So if you want to sponsor a child, I know some!;) 

After a 2-day bus ride through North Macedonia and Serbia, we are now in Romania!!  It’s the whole squad month so all 25 of us are staying in one house!

Again thank you all SO much for your prayers and encouragement!!!

 Pray that we could just stay focused on being here in the present and just that we can get through these next few months!

 Pray that I can just continue to find my place in this world and be able to love people the way Jesus does!

As of now, we do not know where our next country is.  

 Love y’all 

~Gwen

Psalm 59:16

“But I will sing of your strength;
I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. 

I John 4:16  

“And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.”

This is my team (Wildflowers).  They are amazing and so fun!! They are so encouraging and l love doing life with them!!               

                              JEUSE LOVES YOU