Free from the lies

Gateway to Heaven 

When we got out of our van at our new house for the month we were greeted with “Welcome to the gateway to heaven” ;).   

Wow this month has been one of my favorites!!     We lived in a small town which was so nice cause I have lived in the city for the last 5 months and so I felt like I was back home, country vibes and the people were so friendly and they spoke English.

Our hosts were the absolute best! They saved us in so many ways,  were taking us on road trips and always having coffee for us and having Bible study with us, answering questions that we had and it was a very peaceful and uplifting time. 

Our host started a church 16 years ago and now it has a school and Charis Bible college.  We got to play sports with the kids and sit in on some of the Bible college classes! 
It’s pretty cool for me cause Jack, my fiancé, went to Charis Bible college in Colorado a couple years ago and so being in South Africa getting to sit and listen and just learning more truth about God was an answer to prayer for me!

I feel like this month was a good time to think about all that the Lord has done on this trip. We are in month 10 and He has brought me so far so I kinda want to share with y’all some testimonies of what the Lord has done in my life and things I’m learning!

When I started this trip I had no idea what my identity was or how God really saw me.  When I think of the first months I think of darkness, they were the hardest months for me, I experienced a lot of spiritual warfare. I didn’t really know about spiritual warfare but it is a real thing. I have struggled with lies about myself a lot and the enemy would always use those thoughts to get me doubt or to question God.  I felt like I was always fighting a battle in my head not knowing what to do cause I couldn’t find words to explain to people what I was thinking. But it was second month when I talked about thoughts that I had never talked about before and that was the starting point of this journey. So over these months I have learned that even if I have thought that other people don’t have these thoughts, but I needed to speak them out so people could speak truth to me because if I kept them to myself I would just keep thinking lower of myself.

It may have taken 10 months of slowly learning and fighting but every time the lies come like, me not being smart enough, or good enough, I’m not worthy enough for peoples time, I will never be at the same point everyone is at,etc.  I replace them with truth of who God says I am. l am smart enough, I am worthy, I am loved, I am valued, and other promises He has said to us in the Bible. Saying this out loud has changed my life, I never wanted to say them because I felt like that was being prideful, but no, God gave me this words. God gave me gifts and I should be excited for that. I didn’t ask for them. God knew me before I was even born, He gave me all that I need to be the person He created.   

Learning to forgive what people  have done in the past so you can move forward with what God has for you is so important. If you are constantly bitter or thinking negatively of someone, that ruins what God is trying to show you. He has given us a heart to forgive and show people grace!

So the enemy comes at me with something new every month and it’s annoying and I have wanted to give up a lot but God is so much bigger than our battles and the more you keep going after Him and more you keep seeking God you find more and more freedom. Yes, sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it? Because it feel like I’m always fighting a battle, but it is worth it. The joy and happiness I feel when I’m going after God and praising Him and not thinking about my feelings but thinking about what He was done for me. He has sent His only son to die for my sins and I get to live a life of freedom and live my life for God not for others approval.     

I heard someone talk about God as a friend. Just like you hang out with your friends and you sit and talk about life. God wants us to do that with Him, He’s not someone we just go to when we are having a hard time or when we have a question. He wants us to have fun with Him, He wants us to talk to him all day long not just for an hour in the morning to check it off our list, He wants us to talk to him just like we talk to our friends because He is our friend. Jesus is my best friend!

I used to beat myself up a lot when I did something wrong or didn’t say something or stuff that I wished I knew more about but having grace for myself is something that I have also been learning about. I have grace for other people so why can’t I have grace for myself? God has grace for me, I fail and mess up daily but God always has grace for me and so I should do the same, Having grace for myself is just as important as having grace for others! 

Wow so much I could talk about. I wish I could talk to all of y’all personally and explain what I feel.  God is amazing and knowing my identity in Him and knowing how He sees me has been so worth all the hard days and all those nights of crying and not knowing what was going on. God knew, God was working!  All those days were I just wanted to go home, those nights were I asked God over and over why he asked me to leave everything. I finally found someone who wanted to married me and God asked me to leave for a year? Why now God, why?  All those questions, God knew what was best for me, He knew the desire of my heart more then I knew! I am SO grateful that God called me on this journey! I’m So thankful that I didn’t give up and so grateful for all that God has show me and brought me through. I know there is going to be more hard times, but I know who I am now and I don’t have to question that. I know the enemy is going to try and make me questions myself but I have God and He promised to help us through ever battle!!

Thank you to y’all who have prayed for me and encouraged me, y’alls prayers have helped more than you or I will ever know!!

We are now in Eswatini for our last month of ministry!   Yay 1 month and 9 days till I’m home!!!! 😉  And 91 days till my wedding day!! 🙂   Yes I’m getting married August 27!!  Planing a wedding long distance has had its hard times but I’m super grateful for my awesome fiancé who is doing all the work. I’m super excited to get home and help!! 
           

Thanks for reading, following me along on my journey and for all the prayers!!:) 

Isaiah 41:10.                                                                                                Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; Iwill strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

James 1:5 
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him

My team Riptide!