Gonna keep this short and to the point.
we made it to Albania a week ago.
Going from Central American to Europe has been a real culture shock. From Spanish to some weird language.
I was finally remembering enough Spanish words that I could have a Conversation and now I can’t even say hey. Albania language is very difficult. Thankful most people now some English
Everything is new.
New team.
New Country.
6 hrs time changes. Jet lag is a real thing.
New language.
Cold weather. Etc..
Living in the city there’s so much going on I don’t know how to feel.
I feel like I don’t have a purpose for being here.
There’s been some really good moments and have met some really nice people but inside I’m exhausted and drained.
Christmas Eva we got to go out and help pass out tea and chocolate to the police officers and people cleaning the roads, I tried so hard to make myself enjoy it to find joy in giving and praying for people, but I inside I was really struggling with even caring about the people.
That night I laid in bed trying to sleep but I started crying harder and harder, I got up the went to the bathroom in the hallway so my teammates wouldn’t hear me (turns out they had already heard me and we’re praying for me) I started having a Panic attack. As I sat on the cold floor crying so hard I couldn’t breathe and really couldn’t stop i Tried to think of all good things that have happened and fun moments but I couldn’t, it’s scary, all I couldn’t think about was negative things. The enemy just trying to tell me all kinds of stuff about myself, I know that it’s not true but it feels so real, I tried to pray and remind myself who I am and why God has called me here but it’s hard sometimes. Around like 2am I stop and eventually fell asleep. The next Morning I really did not want to go to ministry I was tired, my eyes we’re puffy from crying, I didn’t feel good. But I made myself go. I had to put my own feelings aside and do what was right. And it was a really good Christmas day, we got to help pass out shoeboxes and see the kids get so excited, we got to do a Little drama for the kids about what Christmas is about. We got to go to people house and hear some of their stories a prayer for them. It turned out to be a joyful day! If I would have did what I felt like and stayed home I would’ve missed out on of that. That’s why we can’t go by our feeling. We have to do what is right even though it’s a super hard sometimes.
But I’m still struggling with a lot of negative thoughts and feelings of just not wanting to be here, and being exhausted.
We racers sometimes forget that we are human, and we cannot be on go mode all the time. We must remind ourselves that what we go through is something most people will never experience. The constant change, the different cultures, living with people that legit started out as strangers and then the hardest part for me is never truly having alone time, It is not a normal situation and one of the toughest parts is not being able to explain everything we go through with you all. It’s just impossible.
I say all this to ask for prayer?
Pray that I can Remember why I signed up for this trip. Prayer that I will give myself Grace when I mess up and that I would be strong enough to get up and start again.
Prayers that I would overcome this these panic attacks I used to never get them and for some reason on this race I’ve been getting them a lot.
Prayers that I be in the present and enjoy every day and stop thinking about the future.
I’m so grateful for all of y’all who send me messages and are praying for me it means a lot! I couldn’t not do this with out yall.
I Probably would’ve come home if it wouldn’t be for all my supporters knowing that y’all are praying for me keeps me going!<3
Thank you so much!
I hope y’all had a merry Christmas!
If there is anything I can be praying for y’all let me know? I would love to hear what God is doing in your life?
Sorry for all the bad grammar and words that are not spelled right. I wrote this fast and did not get anyone to Proofread it for me!:)
-Gwen
We are praying for you! God will keep you in perfect peace because your mind is stayed (focused) on Him. Isaiah 26:3. God is using you to reach the lost and downtrodden! You will finish this race strong, In Jesus name!
You are a strong woman Babe! Im so proud of you! I am praying for you! Jesus is so proud of you and He loves you so much!
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28?-?30 NKJV
Precious Gwen! You are enough because Jesus is enough! Remember that his grace is always more… In every way he is always more than we can ask, think or imagine! He has already won the victory over your flesh… you can trust him in every situation and consider it joy when you face trials! Walk to the mirror and see Jesus and go into praise and Thanksgiving… And that act will lead you to communion with the one who will save you continuously, without fail!
Chin up (so that you can see his face) beautiful sister and daughter of Almighty God!!!!
You are SO LOVED!! ??
My sweet sister Gwen, you are not alone. I send my love and prayers to you. I cannot promise when this season will end, but that it will. You have such a genuine heart for the Lord, and I know that He hears your prayers and cries. He is a Father who cries with His children. He is not unmoved by your hurt and your struggle. As I have had encouraged to me in this time, be honest with God and your team. Remain in the word and prayer, especially when you don’t feel like it. Here to support you however I can. Love you!
Hi Gwen, I was praying and 1Kings 19 came to me. It is the story of Elijah running from Jezebel. Though you are not running from someone trying to kill you. Sometimes our emotions can. In the story Elijah was so tired from the work that the Lord had him do that he became saddened and just wanted to die. The Lord sent an angel to feed him so he could go on his journey to Mount Horeb to commute with the Lord. The Lord said “what are you doing here, Elijah?”. Elijah told the Lord all that he did for Him and that he felt all alone. Then the Lord told Elijah to go out of the cave and the Lord passed by. There was a wind, earthquake, fire but the Lord was not in any of them. Only a small voice. This small voice gave Elijah the strength to press on to his next work for the Lord. All this to saying, I pray that you will hear His small voice and be strengthen to continue your race! With much Love, karinne
Hugs hugs and more hugs . John and I think of you daily sending you prayers for continued strength . Our Christmas was peaceful and warm for SC .
Oh Gwen?? thank you for sharing! You have had a lot of new and difficult experiences in a short time. Yes,give yourself grace and may Jesus give you a sweet peace in these ups and downs??. We love you so much and miss you??
Love you girl. So blessed to have you on my team!
Praying for you Gwen! You are an incredibly strong woman of God and that is not contingent on the moments you feel weak. Your strength comes from God working in you so it’s okay to feel week sometimes, that’s where his power is made perfect. Praying he continues to fill you with peace and strength. Love you!!
I am excited for you, and for me the reader, that you were able to experience something by distributing the Christmas shoeboxes that we only see from our side in provision. Please don’t give up. You are half way complete and you are experiencing something that you will take with you throughout your life. These are memories and opportunities that will shape who you are and future decisions you will make. Stay strong. I would also add that sometimes you don’t know the role you play in someone’s life. You may think that some of the projects you are serving in are small but just as you needed a listening ear and a good cry, someone else may just need the smile you were sent to share. Keep on sharing the gifts you have. You will be so thankful in the end??
Kudos for your honesty and transparency. We will be praying as you requested–all of us at
Aiken Christian Church. From what you have said about attacks on your mind, your heart, your physical state, I am convinced God is using even the smallest, perhaps unnoticed by
you, moments of your days to accomplish His purposes. When you are in His purpose, the enemy pulls out the artillery. But the victory is already accomplished! My go- to when I am in
a downward pull is to SING PRAISES. The folks around you may not understand the words, but your joy will be evident. And the enemy cannot stand praise for The Lord so he flees.
We will be praying for you Gwen ?? clearly the enemy is not happy with what you are doing or the amazing journey God has you on personally. I’ll definitely be going to battle on your behalf. We wrestle not against flesh and blood but principalities and powers and in the end Jesus wins. ???? stay strong but remember it’s OK to be human. ????
O sister. Thank you for being honest with us.. you r definitely in r prays ????????. I think of you ever day. I’m sorry I have not messaged you as much as I should be…. I’m am super proud of you and think your incredible brave and strong….. much loves Sharon
You’re brave and strong Gwen. We’ll keep praying for that truth to sink deeper and deeper.